Conker's Bad Family Day
by nld200xy
Summary: Once again, Conker gets drunk and wanders off into a far off destination, only this time, he ends up in another dimension. Can he get out? Find out.
1. Chapter 1

Conker's Bad Family Day

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any of these characters.

In a far off kingdom known as the Nuthole Kingdom or something, there lived a squirrel. He was no ordinary squirrel mind you. This squirrel was king of all the land.

Sadly, he did not enjoy his life as king. For one thing, he was the ruler of a group of moronic weasels, three cogs, a pitchfork, a paint can/paintbrush combo, a rat who kept blowing up from eating cheese and a fidgety little army squirrel who just talked in an annoying fashion. Rodent wasn't really an unlikable guy. (In fact, he's personally my second-favorite character)

As if that wasn't enough, his girlfriend, Berri was dead. She'd been gunned down on the biggest day of his life, the day he had become king.

The squirrel's name was Conker.

Conker was hitting a night in the town. He entered a bar and asked for his favorite drink. The bartender, who just happened to resemble the army general who once forced Conker into a war smiled and said, "A man with taste."

He gave the squirrel a cup of schnapps and asked, "You're just as depressed as you were last night when you ordered the same thing at my bar."

Conker sighed and explained, "Sorry, but it's hard to get over the death of your girlfriend."

Yup, Conker had learned that fateful day that the grass was always greener and you never know what you have until it's gone. It had been a day, but he was starting to recover a bit. Sadly, the only one living in his castle with him that he could tolerate was the army squirrel, Rodent.

He sometimes wished he'd never met the people who served him. They were very annoying.

Conker sighed and gulped down 3 cups of the strong alcoholic beverage and got up with his eyes completely blurred. He started to get very tipsy as he struggled to stay up.

After having to turn around 5 times, he finally found the exit and wandered off. He let out a small hiccup and stated, "I guess I might as well go home back to the castle."

After a rough night's sleep, the squirrel woke up in a daze. He rubbed his head and said, "It's going to be one of those days."

Sadly, he noticed no pads that had large B's written on them, so he didn't know how to get out of his drunken state. He just staggered onto the road as a car was just speeding towards him.

The two teenaged kids in the back seat were fighting as the fat man poked his head back and said, "You kids better stop fighting or else we're not going to Burger King."

The woman screamed in horror as she noticed a strange looking hairy kid walking around in the streets (He's really 20 or something) and shouted, "Peter, stop the car!"

The man, Peter yelped out in horror and swerved the car over in a 45 degree turn in order to be able to break faster. Sadly, the car rammed into the drunken squirrel thus killing him.

The baby stared in awe and said, "Wow, the fat man finally did something I can respect him for. Well, come on, what are you waiting for? Help that poor kid up!"

The family of five exited the car and grossed out at the site of all the blood coming from his body. Peter picked up a stick and poked the corpse.

"Yep, he's dead," he confirmed.

The woman, Lois gasped and said, "That poor squirrel mascot is dead. Oh, this is horrible."

The baby, Stewie walked up to him and said, "Um… yay, merrily, this man may not have had a good career, or a good long life in that matter, but he still contributed to whatever team he was representing."

Suddenly, the whole family gasped as the squirrels body disappeared. Mind you, there were no magical sparkly effects. He just faded out as if his presence was an illusion.

The fat boy, Chris screamed and shouted, "OH MY GOD, WE RAN OVER A GHOST! HIS SPIRIT WILL HAUNT US FOREVER!"

Lois grabbed the boy and slapped him in the face while shouting, "Get a hold of yourself! If we just drive away from here, no spirits will harm us and we'll be home free!"

The girl, Meg trembled and said, "We'd better step on it. He may come back with a vengeance!"

"Who said that you can have a say in the matter, Meg?" Peter retorted as Meg folded her arms angrily.

Suddenly, a large bony hand appeared out of the sky as the squirrel was not only dropped back onto solid ground, but he wasn't drunk anymore. Lois breathed a sigh of relief and said, "God must want this kid to live. We're very sorry that our husband ran you over."

"Don't drag me down with you, Lois! You were the one who took ten seconds to actually say something!" Peter snapped.

The squirrel simply stared and asked, "Where am I? I somehow ended up here after drinking 3 cups of schnapps last night."

Upon hearing his rather adult-sounding voice and hearing that he drank alcohol, they jumped to the conclusion that he wasn't actually a kid.

Lois breathed a sigh of relief and said, "You're in Quahog right now. What do you remember before waking up here?"

Conker shook the tiredness out of him and explained, "First thing I remember was that I was king… king of all the land. I went to a bar, drank three cups of schnapps, wandered in the direction that I thought led to home and I guess I fell asleep here."

Chris stared and asked, "How come your costume's mouth moves when you talk?"

"Costume?" he retorted, "Listen, buddy, I don't know who you are, but this fur is real."

Meg stared in shock and stated, "He must be from another world or something?"

"Another world?" Conker asked, "Tell me, what year and country is this?"

"It's 2000 and you're in America," Lois confirmed.

Conker placed his hands against his forehead and groaned, "Oh no! I'm in another dimension! This country doesn't exist on any of my maps! Dammit, my drinking problem just got me into more trouble."

Suddenly, a mysterious man in a cloak wielding a scythe walked up to the group. Peter waved and said, "Hi Death, what are you doing here?"

Death pulled out a list and said, "I'm here to collect a squirrel that was run over. Normally, that would be the anime Death's job, but he's out sick so I have to handle both body collecting jobs. Come on, Squirrel, you're coming with me."

Conker grimaced and stated, "Listen, buddy, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm still alive. Besides, I'm from another dimension. Ask the Death from my world to explain it to you."

Death pulled out his cellphone and said, "All right, but only because the law of the grim reaper requires that I do so."

He dialed the number, waited for an answer and said, "Hello? This is Death from another dimension. Apparently, one of your citizens has wandered into our world. He got hit by a car, but remains living. What is this? Okay… hold on a sec. What's your name, kid?"

"I'm Conker the Squirrel," Conker answered in a slight 'you should know that' tone.

Death confirmed the squirrel's name as he listened more and said, "You're coming here? Oh, okay, gotcha! This might take a while."

After about 5 minutes, a large shadow was cast upon the group of seven as a booming voice erupted saying, "I AM HERE TO CLEAR UP THIS MISUNDERSTANDING! YOU MAY NOT SENTENCE THIS CITIZEN FROM MY WORLD TO DEATH!"

Death stared and said, "With that shadow that big, I'm kinda jealous. This guy must be huge."

The towering figure continued with, "NOW, LET ME EXPLAIN…" when suddenly, a huge screeching noise that usually came from a broken megaphone filled the area as a small figure entered the area, threw away a megaphone he was carrying and cursed, "Those cheap bastards said they had fixed that problem with this bloody contraption!"

He noticed the group and said, "Now, let's get down to business, shall we?"

Death simply stared and asked, "Aren't you a little short to be Death?"

"Well, excuse me for not being as big as my shadow, mate!" the small grim reaper spat, "It's not my fault I was born this way! My mom was vindictive with midgets, okay?"

The whole group simply stared while Lois and Chris blinked and Stewie looked bored to be faced with such a disgraceful reaper. This was not the grim reaper Stewie looked up to.

The reaper cleared his throat and said, "Now, let's get down to business. My name is Gregg, the Grim Reaper, and don't laugh! See, Conker here is a squirrel, but you probably already knew that. Now, that's the reason he's still alive. See, I lowered him back down to Earth because unlike humans and other animals, squirrels are more like cats. I hate those bloody things! They don't even deserve 9 lives!"

Death stared and asked, "Are you saying that this squirrel has nine lives?"

"Not precisely," said the reaper, "But he does have as many lives as he thinks he can get away with. All squirrels do."

"Are you serious? We didn't know that!" Peter stated.

Gregg nodded and continued, "See, he has what's called squirrel tails. The more he finds, the more chances I'm supposed to give him. So, he can die, but he has more chances, very much like cats. I hate those bloody things, always pissing all over the carpet and their shit smells like a toxic waste dump! They always claw at my robe while I'm doing business! I'll kill those little pricks one of these days!"

Everyone stood there still blinking randomly as Gregg cleared his throat and stated, "So, as you can see, since he had collected 11 squirrel tails before he went to the bar, he has more than 10 chances left, so you won't be claiming any bodies from him for a while. Anyway, if you don't mind, I have some cats to see! I'll kill them this time!"

With that, Conker held out his hand and asked, "Can you send me back to my world with you?"

"No," Gregg answered, "I didn't come through a portal. I teleported here. You really think I'd leave my lair just to save you, you little prick? Think again!"

He then transported himself back to his world using magic as Death turned to the squirrel and said, "I guess that means you can still live, but be safe. Just because you have many lives doesn't mean it's not easy to lose them. Anyway, I have a 4:00 right now. Some guy choked on a chicken bone. See ya."

Peter stared and said, "Well, that was weird."

As the family drove Conker to their house for some shelter, Conker explained everything that had happened up to the point in which his life had turned around and he became king. Stewie was bored and grossed out by everything accept the war against the Teddiz. He felt as if that was the kind of war his bear, Rupert could have been in if he was a real bear. Of course, he also vowed not to let Rupert near Conker, but that was irrelevant. This was just going to be one long-assed day and that was that.


	2. Chapter 2

Conker's Bad Family Day

Today was the day when the true weirdness was sure to occur. Conker had been taken into the Griffin house and things were bound to get interesting as a result.

Conker roamed around the house and asked, "Hey, guys do you gots any beer? I'm in desperate need of some."

"I'm sure you'll find some," Chris stated, "Dad probably has lots in the fridge."

Peter turned to him and stated, "Probably have some? I practically own beer!"

"Well, what you got?" Conker asked as Peter grinned, pulled a can out of the fridge and said, "We have the famous beer from Pawtucket Pat."

The squirrel tried some and said, "This isn't bad."

He wandered off into the living room where Stewie was having a tea party with his teddy bear, Rupert. He gasped at the sight of the squirrel and shouted, "You stay away from Rupert!"

Conker noticed the kid clutching his bear and stated, "Look kid, I won't shoot him without a reason. It's not like I'm in a war where I have no choice. Besides, that bear's already stuffed."

"No, Rupert is not stuffed!" Stewie retorted, "He's a REAL bear, a REAL BEAR!"

Suddenly, a talking white dog named Brian entered the room and stated, "Still denying the fact that Rupert's a toy, I see."

Stewie gaped at his oppressor and spat, "Shut up, you infantile stupid! Rupert is not a toy!"

Brian shrugged and sat down on the couch. Playing on the TV was Seinfeld.

(On the screen)

Jerry stood on stage and asked, "You know when you're walking down the road and you notice a man being mugged right in front of you but you don't do anything? Well, you should! It's not like the police are capable of saving this man's life, are they?"

(Off screen)

Brian laughed and said, "Oh, you just can't beat the classics, eh Peter?"

He turned around to notice that a squirrel was sitting where the fat man usually sat. The dog's eyes widened and then closed half way as Brian got off of the couch, marched into the kitchen and asked, "What is this squirrel doing in our home? What? A talking dog isn't enough for you?"

Lois sighed and said, "Brian, this is Conker. He is not our new pet or best friend. He came here from another dimension and needs a place to stay. I'm sure you'll become the best of friends. Now go have a leisure conversation with him."

Brian refused to move as he stared at the woman with a little spite in his eyes.

Lois sighed, pulled out a stick, shook it around and said, "Here boy, go get the stick! You want the stick?" She threw it into the TV room and exclaimed, "Go get it!"

Brian playfully ran into the TV room after the stick, picked it up and put it in his mouth. When he turned around, he realized that Lois wasn't there, spat the stick out and muttered, "Dammit, I guess I have no choice now. Well, I could leave the room, but Lois might trick me with another stick again."

The dog sighed, climbed back onto the couch, turned to the squirrel, slowly let out his hand and said, "Hi, my name is Brian. Nice to meet you."

Conker shook his hand and stated, "Hi, my name is Conker the Squirrel. You want a beer? I can't finish my second one."

Brian happily took the beer and said, "I guess having a squirrel around isn't exactly a bad thing."

After exactly 20 seconds, Lois came back and found that Brian and Conker were drunk and having a pointless conversation about ants.

"Did you know that if you stick an ant up your nose, it will have no negative consequences?" Brian asked.

"No way! That can't be true!" Conker replied.

He reached for another beer only to find nothing there. He gasped and whined, "Oh, Brian, it's a federal state emergency! It would seem that we are out of alcohol!"

Peter shuddered and shouted, "My Peter senses are tingling! We must go to the super market for some beer!"

With that, the entire family along with Conker drove to the super market. They exited the car as Conker looked at the tall building and said, "So, this is a super market. Where I come from, we have nothing but pawn shops and fruit stands and taverns.

Peter turned to Conker and said, "Hey, me and the guys are going to the drunken clam tonight. You wanna come? I'll introduce you to all my friends. It'll be magical, more magical than the time I was in One Piece."

(In the One Piece world during a flashback)

Peter was sitting around drinking all the grog. Zoro stormed up to him and spat, "Stop drinking my grog, you fat bastard!"

"Oh yeah? Well… shut up… moss head," Peter stuttered, trying to think of a better insult.

Surprisingly, Zoro took offense to this, ran into a corner and started crying, "He called me a moss head! Only Sanji is allowed to call me that!"

Suddenly, Luffy popped up out of nowhere and shouted, "I'm gonna be king of the pirates!"

(End flashback)

Everyone went a different way in groups of two so they could cover more ground. Lois and Chris covered the house care aisle while Peter and Conker covered the aisle with beer in it. Meg and Brian decided to pick out the day's dinner.

Peter turned to Conker and asked, "How much should we buy?"

"How about 12 10-packs?" Conker suggested.

"No," Peter said, "We'll need a lot more than that. We'll need 12 **16**-packs."

Lois and Chris were done shopping for toilet paper and were in the mild department. Lois pointed towards a counter and asked, "Chris, honey, can you get me a pale of ice cream from the back?"

Chris walked over to the freezer shelves and reached for a pale of ice cream from the back only to be pulled in by a bony hand that was also clasping onto the pale of ice cream.

"Who are you?" Chris asked as a little toddler with a mafia outfit hushed him and said, "My name is Reborn, and the boss sent me to make you the new mafia boss. See, you get to have me and my magic bullet as partners."

Chris screamed, took the pale of ice cream and leapt out of the back of the shelf. Lois stared and asked, "Why were you all the way in the back for 30 seconds? You could have caught a cold back there!"

While Brian and Meg picked out what kind of chicken to buy for dinner, a fat kid ran through Brian with a light surrounding him thus turning Brian into a hot dog. Brian glared at him and snapped, "Turn me back, Bob from 'Braving the Elements'!"

Anyway, after a while, everyone had gotten what they needed from the super market and were ready to come home. As they drove towards home, a big hand made out of a familiar smelly substance came out of a sewer pipe, grabbed the car and flipped it over.

The group exited the car as Stewie plugged his nose and exclaimed, "Whoa! What is that monstrous odor?"

Chris stared in shock and said, "I smell a poorly planned poop joke coming on."

The owner of the hand that flipped their car over revealed himself from the sewers. His body was made entirely of poop.

Peter gasped and shouted, "HOLY CRAP! WHAT IS THAT?"

Conker slapped his forehead and uttered, "Oh no, you don't wanna know."

As a bunch of opera music played, the creature came fully out of the sewer, cleared his throat and sand, "Me-me-me-me-me-meeeee… I am the great mighty poo, and I'm going to throw my shit at you! A huge supply of tish comes from my chocolate starfish. How about some scat you little twat?"

He pulled a big lump of poo off of his right shoulder and hurled it at the group. Conker noticed that there were no B pads to help him, so he spat, "Lois, hand me a roll of toilet paper!"

"What?" Lois retorted, "Toilet paper isn't going to clean up that much guck!"

"Just give me a roll of toilet paper," he snapped, "I know what I'm doing."

Lois handed the squirrel a piece of toilet paper. The poo started throwing massive chunks at the squirrel, who simply dodged it. He dodged ten more lumps until the poo opened his mouth and started singing for no reason.

It was then that Conker hurled the roll of the poo-killing paper into the thing's mouth. The great mighty poo coughed up some poo along with the toilet paper and sang, "Do you really think you'll survive in here? You don't seem to know which creek you're in. Sweet corn is the only thing that makes it through my rear. How do think I keep this lovely grin?"

The poo flashed it's sweet corn-made teeth and said, "Have some more caviar."

With that, he threw more chunks at the poor squirrel. Conker dodged the assault only for Meg to be squashed under a pile of shit.

"Why didn't you stop that from hitting me?" she asked. There was a dead silence as she spat, "I could have been killed!" When she received no response, she growled and walked off in blind fury.

Peter stared and asked, "What's that guy's problem?"

Conker once again waited for the poo to start singing again before he tossed another roll into his mouth. The poo coughed up more toilet paper and sang, "Now I'm starting to get rather mad, you're like a niggly tickly shitty little tag nut. When I've knocked you out with all my bab, I'm going to take your head and ram it up my butt?"

"Your butt?" Conker asked.

"My butt!"

"Your butt?"

"That's right, my butt!"

"Ew!"

"My butt!"

"UGH!"

"My BUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTT!"

Everyone watching this scene couldn't help but feel disgusted. Tom and Diane stood nearby while Tom announced, "It would appear that a giant piece of poo, possibly from Diane's last trip to the bathroom, is attacking people while a squirrel is fighting it off. Back to you, Diane."

Diane grimaced and said, "Reports indicate that it might have been from Tom's last trip to the bathroom."

Conker hurled yet another roll into the poo's mouth as it took a deep breath and let out a loud musical hollering noise. Conker noticed the window to an exhibit on the world's largest toilet had been smashed. He and the Griffins worked together to push the toilet outside.

Amazingly, the poo was dumb enough to sink into the sewers and poke its head up through the toilet. With that, the group used all their might to force down the flusher as the great mighty poo span around and around cursing, "Oh, you cursed squirrel, look what you've done. I'm flushing, I'm flushing! Oh, what a world! What a world! Who would have thought that such a good squirrel could defeat my beautiful clagginess? I'm going, I'm going! NOOOOOO!"

Peter grinned and said, "Now that's what I call a bowel movement," as a bunch of finishing opera music sounded in the background.

Lois turned to Conker and asked, "How did you know that your strategy would defeat it?"

Conker sighed and explained, "He's an enemy from my world, which means that other enemies must have come here too."


	3. Chapter 3

Conker's Bad Family Day

Recently, it was revealed that the Great Mighty Poo from Conker's world had somehow entered Quahog. Well, the crisis was over and everyone was sure the rift deal was over with.

As the family sat in front of the TV watching Springer, Meg entered the room and asked, "Hey, can I have the remote? Drawn Together is on."

"Drawn Together?" Peter retorted, "Oh, I love Drawn Together and slapstick random humor that very similar to our own!"

He changed the channel as Conker turned to Meg and asked, "Why do you like this Drawn Together show so much? I personally don't get it, just like I don't get my life."

"Because it has a girl who makes me look thin in comparison," Meg stated, obviously referring to Toot.

Suddenly, Brian entered the room and said, "Hey guys, I won us a contest."

"Oh boy!" Chris replied, "What did we win?"

Peter looked at the prize tickets that Brian was holding and shouted, "Wow, he got us pieces of cardboard with Rodeo written on them!"

"No," Brian retorted, "They're tickets to the rodeo, and I'm inviting the family."

Everyone cheered as Meg moped and Brian finished, "And Meg's invited too."

The whole family entered the car and drove down to the rodeo. Conker turned to Peter and asked, "Say, Peter, when are we ever gonna go to that Drunken Clam you told me about? I wanna meet your friends… and have tavern beer rather than store bought."

Peter froze for a minute and cursed, "DAMN! I knew I forgot to do something yesterday. I'll take you there after the bull fight."

"Bull fight?" Conker retorted as Peter said, "Yeah, it'll be great! They say that their strongest bull ever born is performing today! It's gonna be all bloody and gory and they say the matador may die!"

Conker gulped as Stewie turned his head to the side saying, "Oh, boohoo. So a man who's not you dies! By what I've heard, you killed a baby dinosaur."

Conker shook his head and spat, "Don't you get it? My FUR is red."

Lois gasped and said, "I completely forgot about that. Here, when we stop, I'll die your fur grey for you."

The color grey did always remind Conker of his dead war buddies, but nonetheless, he needed a safeguard, and this was it.

Finally, the family had arrived. Peter bought a cowboy hat at the first store he found so he could fit in with the scenery. Lois put Stewie in a playpen with all the other kids, much to the baby's dismay, while Chris and Meg did their own thing.

Brian walked behind a gunning range, which Stewie wanted to try out, and pulled out a cigarette. As he smoked it, a man dressed like a cowboy walked up to him and asked, "Say, partner, would you spare me a cig stick? I brought my lighter but I forgot my cigarettes at home."

Brian kindly handed the man a cigarette as the man ripped off his skin to reveal Rob Reiner underneath and said, "Now I have a good case against the tobacco lobbyists. Animals are smoking. It's perfect!"

With that, he curiously pulled out a lighter of his own and took a puff. His eyes bulged out and turned beat red as he stated, "I've never actually tried one of these before. I can't believe that I've been campaigning against them for so long. That's it, I am officially giving up chicken wings! This is my buzz now!"

Finally, it was time for the bullfight. Conker trembled with fear as Meg placed an arm on his shoulder and said, "Don't worry. Your fur is grey now."

Conker noticed the arm touching his shoulder and shouted, "Help! A hideous beast is attacking me!"

With that, a series of rapid guards came out and carried Meg off into the pigpen. "Oh boy slops!" she exclaimed as she knelt down and started eating the pig food. The pigs approached the dish to join in, but Meg snorted in a vicious fashion thus scaring them away so she could finish the slops.

The audience watched as the bull door opened and a big black bull came running into the ring. Conker stared and asked, "Is that Big Guy the Bull?"

Suddenly, a man carrying a keg of water walked by and dropped the whole keg on Conker's head. The worst part is that the grey die came right off on account of this and the squirrel's red fur was exposed. As if it couldn't get any worse, he and the Griffins were sitting in the front row.

The bull turned his gaze over to the squirrel and spat, "You, don't you dare enter this area! I hate the color red!"

Conker blinked and said, "So, it IS you, Big Guy. I thought you died when you fell down the poop sewer lid!"

The bull shook his head and said, "It may have been a great fall, but swamp water isn't enough to kill me. Well, since I do want an audience, you can stay and watch. Just don't enter the ring! I absolutely despise red!"

Conker grimaced and spat, "You know, your hatred towards red may have to do with the fact that you're a bull, but let's not forget that it's not my fault that my fur is red! Just for the hell of it all, I'm going to come in there and prove that redder is better!"

"Redder is better?" Peter scoffed.

"Wow, that was really lame," Stewie commented.

"Yeah, that really sucked," Lois stated.

"That was just horrible. 4kids writes better puns," Chris stated.

"And that's a fact," said Al Kahn from the audience only to be beaten up by countless otaku seconds later.

Conker sighed and jumped into the ring. The announcer shrugged and said, "It would seem that we have two matadors now!"

The original matador turned to the squirrel and said, "Thanks, buddy, I need help. Together, we can beat this guy."

Sadly, before the man could do anything, Big Guy ran up to him and speared his right horn through the man's flesh. Conker stared in disgust as the bull flung the man into a wall and the man's blood ran all through the area where he had landed.

Conker frowned and asked, "Hey, what's the big deal you bastard? Your score is with me!"

"He was wearing red," Big Guy explained a Conker rolled his eyes.

Meanwhile, Tom Tucker in the audience positioned his head next to his taxpayer and said, "I'm going to bet $10000 that the squirrel mascot dies."

The tax payer sighed and said, "That's a good thing, especially if you lose, because that's how much you owe me for getting you a wife."

"What good did that do me?" Tom retorted, "All that got me was a son with an upside-down face."

"Dad, I'm sitting right here," complained Tom's son as Tom laughed nervously and said, "This is awkward."

As Big Guy rushed at the squirrel, Conker ran up to a wall. Everyone thought he would die due to the dead end, but instead, he crouched onto the ground and unleashed his legendary spring jump as the bull rammed into the wall.

Big Guy's horns got stuck in the wall as Conker went behind him, pulled out a frying pan and bashed the spot on his rear end that had a bandaid on it. The bull cried out in pain and turned around, his head fuming with fury.

Lois saw the bull rush at Conker again and shouted, "I can't watch this! There's no wall to support him this time!"

Meanwhile, the other watched and cheered, "Go, bull! Make his blood splatter all over the floor!"

Before that could happen, Conker did yet another spring jump and spun his tail around like a helicopter allowing his to land in front of another wall. Big Guy rushed at the squirrel once more, only this time Conker dodged him and he banged his head against the wall.

Conker saw that the frying pan was useless, so he simply leapt onto the bull's back, grabbed him by the horns and made the big lummox run around aimlessly for 5 minutes.

Big Guy got tired of this, so he angrily kicked the squirrel off of his back and rushed at him. Conker trembled in fear and wined, "This is the end!"

Surprisingly, just before the bull could hit, he breathed heavily and fell to the floor falling asleep two second later.

"I wish I wasn't such a fat bastard," he muttered as he closed his eyes a second time.

Everyone simply stared and didn't say a thing.

Back in the car, Lois hugged the little squirrel and said, "Oh, Conker that was amazing! Where did you learn such skill?"

Conker turned to her and asked, "What? Do you mean the Spinning-Helicopter-Tail Thing or knowing that Big Guy was too overweight to last?"

That was that. Next stop, the Drunken Clam.


End file.
